Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
