he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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