Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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