Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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