did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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