I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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