So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
