all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
