did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
