let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
