Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
