she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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