If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize