Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
