i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
