Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize