a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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