If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
