I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You may now shotgun with the bride
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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