All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hippo gnu deer
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
