hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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