By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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