We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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