why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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