dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
