nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
