Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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