If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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