brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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