dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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