Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
