He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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