So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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