things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
