Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
