i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I supernannyed him into submission
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
