I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Success! We fucked roommates!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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