I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
