Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
