I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
