So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
