So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize