His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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