I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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