No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
