Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
