Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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