I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
