I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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