dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
