I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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