her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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