I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude i'm inner monologue high
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
