is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
