Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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