I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
