ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
