she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
