White coat. Heels.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
