Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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