I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
