Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
