well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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