you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
