Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
