god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
