He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
