i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
