Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
