Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
