Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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